A psychotherapist once said to me that the human fabric was very tough. That it took so much to change a behavior. Even if the person he was trying to help wished for it ever so much.

In Buddhist circles, there is often talk about how much work one has to do before reaching enlightenment, or awakening. A few teaches ventures to say that there is no work involved at all, that you can become wise in a brief moment. What are you waiting for?

There is a reluctance to change. And so there is.

This reluctance is preventing you from change. It is a firmness that you think makes you the person you are. A fear that if you let go and change some ideas that you would unravel, become unattractive, lose your job, lose friends and so on.

Deep down you know that the world could be anything other, but this sense of firmness upholds your livelihood and is very important.

And so it is. There is good reason for any reluctance if you look deeply. Because we are good at transforming the bad into the good. Learn from bad experiences.

It could be that a fear of talking about motions or fear of committing to a relationship is used later in life as an ability to take certain types of jobs. It becomes your personality, your life, and therefore it is very hard to change this mechanism. This makes the personality very tough. It is like a big puzzle, the piece can be used somewhere and you become afraid that removing one piece will unravel your persona.

So looking to improve yourself, you come across traits that will not go away. If it will not go away easily then it is because you are using it somewhere. Your work is to look where you use it for something. Something that you are afraid to let go. You could be using it to get care from others, or it boost your self-esteem, or it gives you a low self-esteem that you then fuel with overzealous doings that result in high marks in different areas of your work. Or your fear of conflicts make you overly positive as to squelch all negatives and you become good at coping with the sick and poor people. Millions of ways to use it. And if you change this behavior your fabric crumbles you think. You will not be able to cope with your job, or you will change in ways that your marriage cannot stand.

So change involves seeing how to continue doing what you have become good at or like, but with another fuel. Fear may be an excellent fuel but it is unhealthy. And so are many of the other fuels that are used. Some parts you can refuel and some you cannot reconcile and may have to give up. You will find that the ones you must give up is also unhealthy for your surroundings. (Non-dharmic and causes suffering to others as well.)

If you visit a friend and open a cupboard and it is very neat and tidy, all towels elegantly folded up, it can be because that person is afraid that it will be frowned upon not to have it like that based on fear. Alternatively, it can be that the person sees how fantastic it is and how utterly privileged it is to have towels when 3 billion people do not even have a toilet or running water. The same results coming from two very different places. You see this is what I am talking about? The fuel we use for the same apparent result.

You may meet a brilliant colleague that excels at work, but in fact is riddled with thoughts of not being adequate or loved, because as a kid he was bullied, and developed a sense that being quick and smart was a good counter measure for stronger boys. So later in life he fears not being smart all the time, and it drives him in his work.

Maybe it is for this reason that on the brink of death, or contemplating suicide, that there can be such an explosive momentum in transformation. The fabric that have been weaved to keep it all together unravels because in the face of death there is no point. You can throw it away, and become unencumbered.

Understanding that you do not have to give up anything to become awakened is the key to transformation. You must just find other fuels. You are not giving up anything you are only gaining. When you see this changes will come much faster.