Category Archives: Second Trip to Bali
Loss
The thought of farewell is not what brings agony or pain it is the fear of reunion that is frightening. The prospect of non-reunion or the fear that the joy of reunion will not be mutual.
Love without criteria
One of the most important discoveries is the ability to love without criteria. Myself and others. No distinction.
When I am weak I am filled up with love and tenderness. I cry too. Not from grief but from the beauty and fragility.
The observer
Talking to Louise (who is visiting) about the quietness or the non-thinking.
She says that in the morning she likes to cycle quietly to work. Not thinking and just sensing the city and the fog or the cold. But then after work is over and going home she lets it loose.
Quote: Going home I just let it run wild.
It is so clear to even the uninitiated that there is the observer and thinker. And also, the thinker is clearly not identified as the person, but some “thing” inside us.
Think about that sentence. “I shall let it run wild”.
It could almost not be spelled out more clearly. There it is; the you and the ego.
Loneliness
On Saturday I was finally well enough to get out of bed. (Was sick like a dog for a week from some local Balinese flu virus. They had to call the doctor. Eating pills like candy)
On two separate occasions that day I got this deep feeling of loss, or loneliness that I had felt the day Louise had left to go home again after staying 3 weeks. But it was, on closer introspection, also filled with deep love and tenderness.
Loneliness it seems is love that has been orphaned.
We all know that it is possible to have the feeling of loneliness even when we are together with lots of people. Being with other people has got nothing to do with the emotion of loneliness.
Loneliness arises when you have much love inside you that has no channel to pass through.
Some may also think that love that is channelled must be reciprocated by somebody else. But that is not so. Only the ego requires this. You can love without being loved back. In fact you would be well advice to not set a criterion for loving.
Who am I
You are not defined by the people you are surrounded by. It is only your ego-identity that thinks that reflections from outside your self are actually reflections on you as a person.
Only your ego is dependent on others. Your true self is much much more constant.
Extinguish all sadness
I am determined to exterminate all sadness. I shall follow every sad thought to its very core.
I pledge this to my self.
I shall receive any sad thought as a royal visitor, as it is also a thought trying to help me transcend this material life.
I shall not confuse this work with the search for happiness. Happiness is not to be found. It is a fata morgana that only makes you sad. There is absolutely nothing wrong with blissful joy.
Let it go
The sense of loss or clinging is everywhere.
When you get up in the morning, you cant let go of the night
When you say goodbye to friends
When you change the TV channel
There is so much freedom in learning to let go of things.
Tip. For a week keep noticing how often you get the feeling of loss. Make a mental meditation when it happens and say to you self; “I let go without the feeling of loss, i embrace the new moment”.
Everytime now that i light an insense stick, i say “i make this offering without the sense of loss”. It is to remind me of all the other losses.
Ask for help
Remember to ask others for help.
Say for instance; “I feel a little challenged today, but i am doing my best. Maybe you could just smile at me, so i know you are ok with it?”
The “I”
The sense of “I” makes sense when a bull shall try to assess if the fight it is about to go into is a plausible victory or not. Only when the opposing bull is the equal size will a fight be a result. All other situations the weaker will realise the outcome without the risk of injury.
At that moment the “I” and “Other” sense becomes so focused.
The rest of our regular lives we do not need to have this “I” feeling. And in a social being like humans it is most destructive.
But in the west we are forced into this sense often. When I question whether I can fulfil the job description, or cope with a project. Or if the lady in front of me is within my powers or I am out of her league. The list is endless.
Meditate on the ways to not active this I sense in the western life.
Meditate on the Ego
If everything is empty (and this is the barrier to becoming a real Buddhist) then where is the joy in life, and the sense of purpose?
In this one question I know I will find the reason that all is looking so real in my mind, even though I know it is mostly just my distorted perception.
Our faith in things, as we think they are*, is possibly the foundation for movement**.
*(fata morgana), **(energy directed at changing our unhappy circumstance)
However, choking the ego is NOT choking one self. When choking your ego (that thinks it is you) you are only giving life to your divine being. Don’t be afraid.